I typed the number of days and am certain it is wrong. A somatic feeling more than any real knowledge. The third and the month has has some advancements,

but some setbacks.

I am so very behind at work. I used to have a website with everything we did in class. Videos, worksheets, solutions and all information for the class.
With the cirriculum changes and …life, I managed to post September, then nothing. Students who care about learning found it useful and I want to keep up.
But there is not enough time.

A co worker reminded me today of how much I miss gaming. We have been Blizzard gamers since about the late 90’s. Warcraft, SC, Diablo. Have played all evolutions.
My Monk on DIII, lvl 90 priest on WoW, alliance campaign on SCII. all neglected. Years earlier I spent hours playing, with the boys and without. I want to play.
But there is not enough time.

I miss yoga. I miss feeling stronger. I miss working to a sweat. I want to exercise again. But where can I find the time? It seems the time will change daily.
I will need to learn to seize the opportunity.

I have posted an Ad to replace A. We have had 3 responses. Two are filled with the texting syntax that shortens wrds 2 be made < literate. We all find that
unprofessional. A response to that would be desperation. One, however, responds in full sentences, proper spelling, articulate and,  as requested.

Fuck me. Could we be so fortunate?

He did go to PT and the the Urologist today, the 3rd. PT was good.  At the Urologist We were told that everything was “expected”. “Normal.”
WHAT THE FUCK??!!

We have been to HOW THE FUCK MANY DOCTORS in the past 1.25 years. EVEN a UROLOGIST!

Not a single one of the, into double digit doctors, considered mentioning that it was normal….expected. I wonder why he has not had an incident like this
since his catheter was done. One of his 6 surgeries. I remember the staples across his pelvis. A tube exiting his body. To this day he has trouble looking at the tube.

It it COLD here. We are getting into the low 20’s (F). There was a bit of rain but now a freeze. Ice on the roads. Winter is here.

I had cut back on drinking. Glasses every few days, not every day.
Not so much now. Now the term tired seems the most appropriate. I am tired of being tired. Physically, Mentally. Then there is nothing left!

By the second week the battle for meds was underway. His Neurontin was due, he was literally out. I called the pharmacy, the doctor’s office, then back
and forth again. I was told to wait. In Fresno. In the cold. For 3 hours. No place to go but the bar.
Finally got his Neurontin by 7:30, home by 8:30. He had missed his 5 pm dose so we gave him some. He was still not feeling well. Constipation was back so we kept up the stool softeners, fiber capsules and Smooth Move tea. Anything to help with movements.

The end of the week brought the Lyrica meds due. Pharmacy was unable to fill it. We managed to get 5 days and the rest we can pick up in about 3. I was so fed up
I typed a complaint at the Walgreen’s consumer page. It felt better to rant.

A friend from the past faced the harshest tragedy I can imagine. The decision to remove your child from life support, suddenly. No warning, no preparation. Life always seems to re calibrate how deep the troughs go. Some seem endless when you are in them, stuck at the bottom so deep no light from hope can make it in. I cannot imagine a task more difficult than what she faced. She had already lost her husband. I hurt for her loss, her torture. It cannot get more fucked up than that.

The 14th we had a night out, went to visit friends. Colin hung out with his friend and had a good evening as well. His father came to visit the 21st.
They had a nice visit, albeit brief.

By the third week he was doing better at his BMP. The tea seemed to help. He had not gone out much due to the cold, even cancelled PT because he was so stiff.
Every morning he is awaken by pain and discomfort. Nothing helps. The pain meds take about 45 minutes to kick in. He was sleeping well, but it usually only
lasts a couple nights, then he is awake by 3 or 4, tries to go bacl to sleep but cannot. Rests during his BMP but is tired for the rest of the day.

I am finally on vacation the 20th. I picked up a prescription and was pleased when the part time Pharmacist addressed the filling issues with me, apologized and said she would make it a priority to have his medications taken care of promptly. I thanked her. Complaining gets results!

D has gone to Texas for 2 weeks and A was to fill in. Except A texts me on the 23rd saying the 22nd was her last day. I got a cold on the 23rd.

So it was just me. I had done zero shopping for Christmas. I was going to do Zero. Ian was due the 28th so I managed to scrape together some stuff so the tree wasn’t completely barren. We went to PT where he did great work on the mat table. We then went home because he did not feel good.

We have had many respondents to the ad for a cg. Not a single one had managed to show for an interview. The one with promise found a full time position and the others just faded away. If we don’t find someone by the time I return to work then D will be on M-F 8-5. I will be on the remaining time. Won’t be easy but what else can we do?

By the 29th, the latest no show ended the year with no new hire. One more possibly on the 2nd. We will see if someone shows up.

New Years was low keyed. Colin, his friend, Ian, his GF, our nephew, my husband and I. Good food (tri tip, potatoes and asparagusfor dinner then blue cheese sliders at midnight), nice drinks, a little Champagne at midnight. Colin was ready
for bed by 1:30. He did sleep until 10:30 the next morning.

We made it through a year. Last year new years day was in the hospital. It was depressing and gloomy. This year it was fun, warm and we were all together.
In 2 weeks we will have been home from the hospital for a full year. Since he has come home he can twitch some fingers and hold his forearms up against gravity.
They are a bit wobbly, but he was not able to do it a year ago.

We have made him his space, and a gym that needs another $5K of equipment, minimum. Without the gym, he has no way to do PT at home. 45 minutes once a week is not enough.
The stander is great, but he only trusts D and I to get him in it. I would love to find another cg who he trusts enough.

He needs a set of pulley weights now, along with the rick shaw my husband has been bribed to make. (He gets an ipad mini when it is finished. I got him the case for Christmas). Once he is stronger, we have to install a lift and parallel bars. We have a bike also we can get him into, but again, he needs to be stronger.

I would like to establish a specific exercise time. 45 minutes where he and I can both go into the gym and do something. That is a goal for this year.
Everything we get done is on such a long time scale. What used to take a weekend now turns into months. Each month is full of appointments, drug orders, doctor calls, medical supply orders, cg schedules and then the rest of life.
I spend every day watching him endure the pain, seek relief when there is so little. It is something everyday. Never pain free or bloating free. Neck, shoulders back, legs and feet on fire. Mornings and evenings are the worst. 3 am wake up means he is exhausted and grouchy all day.

Maybe this year he can have at least one good 24 hour day.