June of 2020 his surgery sight had accessed again. We finally figured out it was his monthly trip to fill his pump. So we turned it off.
July 2020 in the midst of COVID he developed another mucous plug. He was in ICU alone for a month and came home with another tracheostomy and needed a ventilator at night.
The third week of August he had his abscess surgically closed again. We planned to keep him in bed for 3-4 months just to make sure.
As usual, all our plans went out the window in early September. We had to evacuate from the creek fire and his site split open. We were fortunate that his CG T had a house big enough for all of us and our animals. We moved all of Colin’s equipment, bed everything down.
So once again Colin was bed bound. Rest of 2020 and all of 2021. He had nurses and wound care come out weekly and the opening was down to a small spot that just needed skin to grow over.
He remained with T and they became close. T took amazing care of Colin. They had all kinds of plans for when we got him in his chair. We purchased a gurney to take him outside and I was finally able to afford the alternating pressure seat cushion for his new chair.
Everything was finally going so well. We had hope, could see the end of the ordeal. By summer, his birthday in July we hoped to have him up and about. We were all vaccinated and boosted ready for the world to open again.
He had been dealing with increasing neuropathy that kept him in extreme discomfort. It was agony for him to be dressed and turned. By the end of January 2022 he was sleeping too much, not drinking enough water.
On the 21 after school I went to T’s to see him. He wasn’t feeling great and his urine was very dark. The nurse came by and was not happy with his urine color. She wanted him to go to the ER. He said no way. He had no fever, she listened to his chest, checked his vitals and all seemed ok.
He and I hung out for a couple hours before I headed back to the house. He was himself, some neuropathy but gave me the usual his and “Love you Ma.”
Saturday morning his brother and I headed down to see him. When we got there he was sleeping and could not be woken up. T said he had a normal morning, ate and then fell asleep. I had to go to Costco but did not like how deeply he was out. I put his pulse on and it read 97% with a heart rate of 91. He did not feel warm. I didn’t like how high his HR was so I told his brother to keep an eye on him and T to wash his face.
I left to do my errand heading up Maple. Within 5-6 minutes Ian called. Colin had stopped breathing and the EMT’s were doing CPR. I turned around and raced back.
When I went in they had him on the floor doing CPR. After about 2 minutes they finally had a pulse. I was so relieved I was shaking.
Because of COVID I could not go with him. I went to the CRMC parking garage and waited for 2 hours before a doctor called. This means he was stable enough and it took them 2 hours to get to him. The doctor said he had another mucous plug in his lung and a bladder infection. He was being given antibiotics and was on the ventilator with low settings. He was being admitted to the step down unit but there were currently no beds. No visitors allowed.
The next day was the beginning of the hell they would put him through. The weekend ER nurses were very helpful in keeping me up to date. One went into his room with the phone and let me talk to him. The evening nurse was polite and let me know they had put him back on the track collar for a bit and he handles it well. The doctor told me they would do the bronchoscopy on Sunday, which they did.
By Monday the disrespectful nurses of the ER emerged. If you called more than once a day you got a “there is no change” notice through someone else.There were no updates from doctors or nurses. You had to time it right or they would get all pissy. I asked a staff member to have the supervisor call me about his care. I wanted to see if they would let T go in and care for him. I never got a call back.
Monday was day 3 in the ER at CRMC and by then he had been infected with COVID and c-diff. He would remain in the ER until Thursday night. Not once did the nurses turn him. He developed a stage II pressure ulcer on his coccyx. Doctor told me on Tuesday he also had cardiomyopathy, an enlarged heart, due to stress. It was not putting out the volume it should be so they were monitoring it and would do another echo within a week.
He was moved to the ICU to get a bed, even though he was not an ICU patient. At this point he started having behavior changes. Confusion, angry outbursts, then just lying in a catatonic state.
His nurse called me Friday and said fully vaccinated people can visit for 1 hour a day. I went right after taking my PCR COVID test to make sure he did not contract it from me.
When I went in he was not himself. He was twitching, talking to himself. He recognized me right away but he was confused thinking he had missed class and was talking nonsense. The nurse felt like it was ICU delusion from not sleeping in the ER over 5 days.
The nurse let me stay and do his BMP as he had contracted c-diff bacterial infection from the staff. He had severe diarrhea and colonists with bloating and no BM in days. He needed one.
His stools were loose and black. By this time he was completely delusional. Making loud weird yells and sounds. Then he slunk into a catatonic state again.
I had to leave but told the nurse I would be back with his brother on Saturday. My PCR test came back negative. It was not me.
Saturday morning I called and his nurse said he was polite and ate breakfast. He seemed ok. The doctor called on our way in and told us there was blood in his stools but they did not see any perforations. He also said they would begin treating the COVID now that his liver function was good. He also believed the confusion was from the infections. Once we were getting screened to go up the doctor called again and said his BP dropped and they were giving fluids to raise it. If that did not help he would be given some medication.
By the time I got there at 1 pm he was back to catatonic twitching. He would come out of it if I yelled at him but then slip right back. He had also been battling a fever. I stood by his beside talking and stroking his face. During this hour his BP alarm kept going off with reading in the 200s/200’s. The nurse never came in just shut the alarm off.
By the time my hour was up I asked if his BP would come down she just blew it off saying the cuff reading was inaccurate which is why she did not come in. I was about to ask what it was when she told me he could only have 1 visitor each day. So his brother was not allowed up to see him. That pissed me off since I told the other nurse we were both coming today so I did not ask about his BP.
We decided Ian would see him on Sunday, T on Monday and so forth. I tried to get permission for T to be there with him and it was not allowed.
Saturday evening his nurse called and said he wanted to give him some anti seizure medication for his twitching. He didn’t mention how his BP kept falling at that time.
At 01:39 I get a call from the ICU. It is the resident on duty. He said Colin’s heart stopped and they were doing compressions. He asked me how long they wanted me to continue.
I froze in shock. All I could think of to say after”WHAT?” was that he wanted to live. Doctor said they had been doing it for about 10 minutes. He hung up.
01:44 he called back. He was stressed. He wanted me to tell them to stop. He said they were breaking his ribs and blood was coming out of his mouth. I am shaking by this time and just said I can’t be the one to say stop. He told me people do not come back from this type of situation very well. He hung up again.
I went into where Ian was sleeping and sat down telling him the next call was going to be telling us Colin is gone.
01:50 it came. In one breath, single sentence
“Unfortunately we were not able to restart his heart so he has passed I am so sorry for your loss do you have any questions?”
All I could think of was “Can we see him?”. Only two people could and they wanted an ETA. I didn’t have one.
Rafael drove Ian and I. Were were sent several different places before getting screened and going up. The nurse asks “How are you?” when we are allowed in. “Fucked up” I answered. He went on to say Colin’s BP had been up and down and they tried to restart his heart but it never was able to beat correctly. It could not move any blood to get a pulse.
He was of coarse, all cleaned up, fresh linens, trach collar looking peaceful as if asleep. No IV, no ventilator, bruises along his arms from blood draws.
So there is the end. My boy is gone. His heart could not take all the infections and it stopped. I don’t know what he was experiencing. I do know he was infected in that ER with 2 very serious diseases and was neglected enough for 5 days to develop a serious pressure ulcer. That really disgusts me. Fuck all nurses that think they know more than the family. If they had even tried to do a Face Time or call and ask about his care we would have helped them take care of him. But they just left him alone on a gurney.
I was expecting Colin to be with us for decades, not less than one. He was 32.5 years old. I miss him every moment. I just wanted to take care of him and keep him safe. Give him a good life.
Colin Arthur Morrill called himself Metaphysical Specimen. 07/30/1989 – 01/30/2022. I love you.